So, I'm dealing a bit better than I was about a week ago. But not by much. The ending of this relationship is so much harder on me than any other. Every time I see him, I'm reminded of what my future was supposed to be. We were on the fast track to marriage and kids, and now I feel as if I have to start all over again. And it took me so long to find a guy like him. Sometimes I wonder if I'm broken. I never seem to have as intense emotions or relationships as others. That's why losing him is so hard. Will I ever be able to feel emotions quite like that again? I surely hope so. Because as much as I want to patch things up and be with him, I don't see that happening. Trust once gone is forever gone. At least with me. And without trust, that love is simply not the same.
Enough bellyaching about all the pain I'm in. Sort of. This next part relates, but it's not direct bitching. I'm in a bit of a goth phase at the moment. Really want my dark hair back. Dark, thick eyeliner. Dark shadows and polish. Mostly blacks and dark purples when I choose clothing. On the one hand, it's okay cause I make a pretty fabulously hot goth. On the other, I'm 28 years old. Seems a bit old to still be playing dress up. Oh well. All I can be is me.
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